my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
right so now that i've calmed down, i think im in a better state of mind to blog. finally my room stinks less and the construction has stopped. Thank God. really, all i need to do is...calm down. im so irritated most of the time, with all the work due, approaching exams gah you name it. i wish i could drive because i love sitting in the car jes thinking withdrawing into my own world and thinking about whatever i want in that very place at that very moment. on the plane i was looking out of the window and thinking about how the world looked like God's canvas and i fantasized about how he would draw on it and add dashes of green and blue here and there, and 'it was good'. ha ha and also how orderly the roads actually look from the top when you actually get down to it, it looks like shit (talking about bangkok hurhur). anyways bangkok is beautiful, not in the breathtaking sense of the word, but like mersmerizing. all its sounds, smells and sights, simply intoxicating. perhaps i havent been travelling for sucha long time, that's why. mom says we might go again after pw is over, or we'll go to perth (YAWNNN). i should count my lucky stars to tell the truth. ive learnt to be more humble now. i kinda watched this movie before i left for bangkok that was so heartbreaking. its called 'beyond borders' with angelina jolie (yes you expected that didnt you?) and its about those stuff that i love, aid for third world countries and stuff. i really should work for the UN huh. yup and i saw this scene of the baby that looked REALLY scary but so dreadfully sick i almost cried. (there she goes again) sorry pardon my randomness and bracketing i really dont feel like writing for aesthetic appeal or whatever you call it because right now i really dont care what people think of me. ogay back to the show, yeah it was so heartbreaking and coupled with my trip to bangkok where i saw how hard people worked and struggled, yeap i definitely am humbled. i know people usually say that they're humbled because someone jes showed them how there are so many more people that are tons more talented than you are. but i can't really find the right word to describe how i feel in my context. so humbled it shall be.
anyways i dont really feel like blogging much anymore. more of this after the promos + pw with sporadic entries as my refuge from market failure and government intervention, bismarck, napoleon, complex numbers, differentiation, geepee and the glass meneagerie (which btw, is a rather nice play) and chaucer and aiya i dono lar all the best to all you out there sitting for prelims next week. be it a or o levels. and all the best to me and you and you.
bye.
written with ♥ at
12:07 AM;
